Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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