wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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