Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize