apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize