The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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