I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
