I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
