I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
