I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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