non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
