just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
