Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
