I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
