You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
