my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
