Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
