There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
