im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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