drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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