My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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