You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All the doctor said was why
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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