yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
