Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
