You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Randomize
