My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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