At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
