i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
