Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do herpes really smell.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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