i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
