We're facebook friends in real life
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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