I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
