I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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