you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
