put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
