that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
