I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
