you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
