is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
