My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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