She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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