Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
