I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A bitchslap is in order.
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