my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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