there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
