Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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