he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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