someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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