don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize