I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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