New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
