I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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