Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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