You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
