So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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