if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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