I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
