Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
