it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
