he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
