i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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