Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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