the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can u get pink eye on your cock?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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