I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
