i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
